One thing that I was REALLY looking forward to in moving to Alabama was/is living with my parents for a while. #1. My parents are super cool. #2. YAY for saving money! #3. They’re both very committed to living a healthy lifestyle.

This makes it VERY easy for me to eat healthy and stay active. I feel like a lazy slob if I lay around too much or eat crap for dinner. So YAY for live-in accountability partners! Also, they just bought this mean machine!!

Healthy eating buddies AND a home gym? Sign me up! Now there really are ZERO reasons for me not to get off my butt and workout!

Welcome to 2018. Where the hopes are high and the expectations are low! HAHA!

But seriously … that’s how I feel after a doozy of a 2017. I haven’t talked about it much (maybe even at all), but I struggle with primary hyperparathyroidism. Basically, I have a tumor on one of my four parathyroid glands. This sends my blood calcium skyrocketing, and leaves me to deal with all sorts of icks and ughs. Most of which is my energy … which is zero a lot of the time. I also feel shakey, nauseous, have bone pain and headaches, and just generally feel like shit!

So that was my 2017 in a nutshell. Never have I looked back at a year and thought – well that was total crap. Until now. It just wasn’t good.

So now, I’m not sure what to expect from 2018. I have an appointment with a surgeon on Jan. 10 to discuss surgery, which is the only option – medication and lifestyle change won’t help me. I cannot tell you how EXCITED I am for the appointment and to be one step closer to possibly feeling better! To have a better year would mean the world to me. I cry just thinking about the possibilities. But I also cry thinking about having another shitty year.

So that leads me to “so what now?” What can I do in the moment? What can I focus on instead of the uncertainty of the year to come? This is difficult for me – but I’m learning to find joy in the journey.

The days I’m feeling good, I do good things. I play with the dogs, take walks, enjoy the new environment I’m living in (oh yeah, I moved to Alabama, by the way!), and I’m happy. On the bad days, I find a reason to smile and try to move as much as possible to keep the icks and ughs at bay. And all the while, I’m going to focus on eating food that will fuel my body, and will hopefully make more good days than bad.

So that’s my plan for 2018 – to find joy in the journey.

Alternate title of this post: A young girl’s dreams no longer hallow

Dear Arizona,

On my very first day as an Arizonian, I was 25 years old. I was a bright-eyed girl who had never been west of the Mighty Mississippi. You and your people took me in as your own and shaped the woman I am today more than any other place has.

You were home of my first love. My first heartbreak. The first time I was fired from a job. The first time I climbed a mountain. The first time a four-legged bundle of love captured my heart. My first 5k. My first big mistakes. My first … many things!

You were the “wide open spaces” that I was chasing. You taught me about love and life. Failure and success. You taught me to stop and smell the roses. You’re home to my favorite place on earth. You showed me the things that are truly important in life.

Everything that I was searching for as a little girl, you helped me find. There is a huge amount of growth and enlightenment that happens to a person between the ages of 25 and 33 and I wouldn’t have wanted to become a “real adult” in any other place in the world.

There will be more mountains. There will be more life lessons. I may not be within your borders for them, but you will forever be in my heart.

If I were a contestant on Wheel of Fortune and Pat Sajck asked me where I was from, “Arizona” would be my answer.

Until next time….

-KR

Who doesn’t know what I’m talking about
Who’s never left home, who’s never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl’s dreams no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn’t yet guessed

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won’t be coming back with the rest
If these are life’s lessons, she’ll take this test

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

The boys and I are moving to Birmingham, Alabama in November! So many adventures and new experiences on the horizon – stay tuned!

As many of you know, I’m taking part in a 6-week mental and physical health challenge with some wonderful ladies via Facebook. This week’s challenge was to identify your bad habits and make steps forward to change them.

One of my biggest unhealthy habits: Overeating or eating the wrong things at dinner.

Basically what happens is I get bored and hungry after work (I get off at 2 pm) and I start thinking about dinner. Often I have too much time to rationalize making something unhealthy. Such as: I’ll make this pasta side tonight, but I’ll only eat one serving of it so I won’t go over my calories for the day. Or: I’ll make fajitas tonight, but I’ll only eat one tortilla and then eat the rest plain. Cut to: I’ve eaten the whole box of pasta or 3 tortillas.

So this week’s challenge was to identify the cue, behavior, and reward. I think in this case, my cue is hunger and/or boredom. This leads to rationalizing of unhealthy habit, and cooking of unhealthy foods (the behavior). And my reward is a full belly and carb coma, which is my comfort zone and I use this as a distraction from other, harder goals like eating healthy and exercising.

This article was posted in the challenge group and this note really spoke to me:

22. Not One Puff Ever (in other words, no exceptions). This seems harsh, but it’s a necessity: when you’re trying to break the bonds between an old habit and a trigger, and form a new bond between the trigger and a new habit, you need to be really consistent. You can’t do it sometimes, or there will be no new bond, or at least it will take a really really long time to form. So, at least for the first 30 days (and preferably 60), you need to have no exceptions. Each time a trigger happens, you need to do the new habit and not the old one. No exceptions, or you’ll have a backslide. If you do mess up, regroup, learn from your mistake, plan for your success, and try again (see the last item on this list).

To me, this would mean no cooking of unhealthy food EVER. So, no tortillas in the house because I know I’ll never have just one. Or no cooking of pasta, because I know I’m not capable of eating a healthy serving.

A couple of the ladies in the challenge group suggested that I use zoodles (zucchini noodles) or other spiralized veggies in place of pasta so that I can still stick to my health goals while not feeling deprived.

This is going to be so tough, but I HAVE to break these habits!

We all know that feeling. We start a new diet or workout routine. We’re excited to get fit, healthy, and skinny! Then a week or two down the line, it starts to feel more like work than a fun new thing.

So how do we “fight that fizzle?” I recently asked that question to a fitness/weight loss Facebook group that I’m a part of. Here are some of their answers:

• Don’t set goals that are too out there. Baby steps become habits and THAT’S when it’s time to add more.
• I think it’s about finding something that works for your body and in the time frame you can commit!
• I think making realistic goals helps…like if haven’t worked out in forever and then all of a sudden I try to go to the gym every day, I will fizzle out easier.
• Do what makes your heart sings!!! If it’s fun and you love it, it becomes addicting.

So how am I setting myself up for success? I’m starting out small. Small, reachable goals: 1,500 calories limit 5x/week, 20 minutes of cardio 5x/week, walking the dogs in the morning twice a week, etc. Manageable. Workable. Doable. I’m going to do this!

So I did a thing today. I made myself accountable to me. I had been searching for an “accountability buddy.” Someone to keep me honest and force me to do all the things that I should be doing. I realized that person is me. If I don’t hold myself accountable, I’ll never conquer my demons, I’ll never truly be healthy, and I’ll never lose an ounce of real weight.

Back when I was super active and was tracking my daily steps, I had jars that said “Miles to Rock” and “Miles Rocked” with little glass stones in them that I would move to and fro to track my progress. So today, I repurposed them into “Pounds to Crush” and “Pounds Crushed” jars! They look a little janky, but I give zero effs about that.

I also weighed myself and set a goal. I want to lose 50 lbs by my sister’s wedding at the end of October. I wrote the goals down and stuck them to my mirror along with other motivational quotes and mini-goals.

No one is going to lose this weight for me. No one is going to smack the food out of my hands. No one is going to force me to get off my ass and move. No one will hold me accountable but me.

All the food. I ate all the food last week! And it tasted so good! It wouldn’t be so bad if I could eat normal-sized portions, but no! Once I get a taste of something yummy, I have to keep going until it’s ALLLLL GONEEEE!!!

Another issue I have – booze! I like to have a couple drinks every night to wind down and relieve stress! Especially now that it’s getting hot out, a cold beer or a vodka/soda is just so refreshing. But, it leads to many more calories consumed and it also makes me eat more. When I’m drinking, I have very little regard for my health, so I tend to order delivery food or make a quick run to the store for some ice cream.

So this week, I’m resetting! I’m back to eating well and exercising. I need to get this show back on the road!

So this week a couple of firsts happened:
1. I posted “before” photos of myself online and on social media
2. I got more than 35,000 steps in a M-F Workweek Hustle Challenge
3. I set goals and crushed them!

I’ve joined quite a few Workweek Hustle Challenges through Fitbit, which I find I either crush and wind up in the top few spots, or I totally slack off and DGAF if I fail. haha! But this week was really good. I set a goal through my Fitbit that I would take 250 steps an hour for 9 hours a day (6 am-2 pm). For the first time, I met this goal twice last week! And the other days, I met the 250 steps/hour goal for at least 7/9 hours.

Some of my other personal goals include:
– Lose 12 lbs a month
– 3 days/week of cardio workouts of at least 30 minutes
– 3 days/week of walking the dogs at least 2 miles
– Stick to 1,500 calories at day with 1 cheat meal
– Drink alcohol only 2 days/week

Last week, I only lost 2.6 lbs when I was on track to lost 7-8. I know that’s a lot of pounds in one week, but I was doing really well and losing a lot of water weight. Thennnnn came the weekend! I totally lost it this weekend. I’m still happy with the 2.6 lbs and I’m striving to stay positive and kill my goals this week. I want to get at least 8,000 steps a day (up from 7,000 last week) and get at least 39,000 steps this week M-F.

Also, the weather this week is supposed to be SUPPPPER nice (in the 70s and 80s), so I’m looking forward to walking the boys a lot! They love adventures and I love walking them. I’ve been a lot better at walking at a high cardio pace instead of leisurely stroll and I love seeing them zoom around and be happy. It’s a win-win!

So something is happening today for the first time ever (or at least since my childhood).

I am wearing a sleeveless shirt in public. And I don’t give one shit what anyone thinks about it!

It’s hot in Arizona. I do a lot outside and walk a lot of dogs. Plus, homie needs to work on evening out this farmer’s tan. Even if I didn’t have any reasons why, I would still wear it!

On another note, I’m still trying to work through this Achilles’ Tendon issue. I think it might be time to see a doctor. Grrr!